The way I was made...

Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the woman I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
All I've forgotten help me to find
All that You've promised let it be in my life

Good ending to a hard day...

"Be always joyful. Be constant in prayer. In every circumstance give thanks. This is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

1 Thes. 5:24

inspiring words...

"The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future."

"Uncompromising trust in the love of God inspires us to thank God for the spiritual darkness that envelops us, for the loss of income, for the nagging arthritis that is so painful, and to pray for the heart, 'Abba, into your hands I entrust my body, mind, and spirit and this entire day-morning, afternoon, evening and night. What ever you want of me, I want of me, falling into you and trusting in you in the midst of my life. Into your heart I entrust my heart, feeble, distracted, insecure, uncertain. Abba, unto you I abandon myself in Jesus our Lord. Amen.' "

Time. (a blog borrowed from Esther)

I was reading Esther's blog today...and came across something she'd written a little while ago...give it a read it's powerful!

How many minutes are there in an hour? How many hours are there in a day?How many days are there in a year? So, what do all of those questions have in common? Time.Time governs our lives. Time tells us when to get up.Time tells us when to go to bed.Time tells us when to eat. Time tells us when classes are starting.And time tells us how long until a project is due. Sometimes, impatience becomes our middle names as time slowly passes at a red light. Sometimes, we hit a birthday of a significant age and wonder, where has the time gone? Time .Time is continually passing. Time brings us moments. Some moments that are a cause to celebrate, And some that break our heart.Time brings us life experiences. Time brings us knowledge and wisdom. Time brings us old age. We live our lives according to time, without the ability to stop or control it.Now, I have a question for you. What are you looking forward to achieving as time is passing? A diploma? The man or woman of your dreams? A career that will set you on the path for the rest of your life? I have another question for you. Are you living in the time and moments that God is giving to you right now? Or are you in a constant state of waiting for the next big moment yet to come? The big moment when life will really start?Donald Miller in his book, Through Painted Deserts says this. “I don’t think we can really understand how time passes. We can’t study it like a river or tame it with a clock. Our devices only mark its coming and going. I dropped an anchor three months back but time didn’t slow. Some things have to end, you know. You feel like life is always leading up to something, but it isn’t. I mean life is just life. It’s all happening right now. I only say this because I am trying to appreciate everything tonight. I will be leaving soon, and I want to feel this, Really understand that it is happening because God breathed some spark into some mud that became us, and He did it for a reason, and I want to feel that reason, not some false explanation.”God has a purpose for our lives. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” That hope and future that God has promised, has already started. Life is meant to be lived, not just gotten through. Time is fleeting, and it’s not going to slow down. You, have a choice to make. Will you wait for the moment when all the pieces fall into place? Or will you take every breath that God gives you, as an opportunity to live out His purpose for your life?

trust...

I was given a book to read recently called Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin's Path to God . To be completely honest so far I've only read 10 pages of it...but...something written in those 10 pages has hit me so hard...

Here is the exerpt from the book...I will explain afterwards.

"When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at "the house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.
"What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I have clarity."
She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh comented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you will trust God."

"We ourselves have known and put our trust in God's love toward ourselves" (1 John 4:16). Craving clarity, we attempt to eliminate the risk of trusting God. Fear of the unknown path stretching ahead of us destroys childlike trust in the Father's active goodness and unrestricted love.

We often presume that trust will dispel the confusion, illuminate the darkness, vanquish the uncertainty, and redeem the times. But the crowd of witnesses in Hebrews 11 testifies that this is not the case. Our trust does not bring final clarity on this earth. It does not still the chaos or dull the pain or provide a crutch. When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross, "Into your hands I commit my spririt" (Luke 23:46).
If we could free ourselves from the temptation to make faith a mindless assent to a dusty pawnshop of doctrinal beliefs, we would discover with alarm that the essence of biblical faith likes in trusting God. And as Marcus Borg has noted, "The first is a matter of the head, the second a matter of the heart. The first can leave us unchanged, the second intrinsically brings change."


So there it is. I can't count how many times over the last few weeks that I've prayed for clarity...not only for myself..but for others. In my previous blogs I've talked about my feelings and sense of clarity. I am finding now...that I didn't understand the true meaning of the word. Mother Teresas words spoke right to my heart-"Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." It should never have been about seeking clarity...but about trust...trust in God.

That is my prayer tonight..for my own trust in God and that others may do the same.

12:04 am

So it's 12:04 am..

Why am I not sleeping? Well...I've had quite a bit on my mind lately. I find it funny how most of our thought process happens at night when we should be sleeping or we're trying to sleep. Weird! Anyways...over the past week or so God has blessed me in so many ways and I'm amazed that through different circumstances how his work in my life can be so evident when I just take the opportunity to step back and let him show me. I'm blown away with some of the clarity that I feel but at the same time so much is still unknown. So as I lay here contemplating my life, asking God "why" questions...I am reminded to trust...

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It had no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Praise you in this storm..

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped my tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Fresh Start...

Well it seems as though God has a bigger plan for me than I thought. It's funny how for a short period of time something can feel so right and with the sweep of a storm things can change directions so quickly. The past few weeks for me have been that storm...and my life is now heading in a different direction. I'm not sure as to where that is and to be honest it's a little scary, but at the same time exciting. God works in mysterious ways, and I don't think we'll ever fully understand why things happen or the way things happen, and I don't think we're supposed to know...if we were...what point would there be in having faith or putting our trust in God? As hard and difficult all of what I've been going through, and I'm sure will continue to be challenging for a while, I know who holds it all. I know that can sound so cliche and something that you see on a sappy spiritual card you'd pick out at Mitchells or something, but the fact of the matter is that it's true. Yes right now, I'm very broken, hurt, emotional beyond words but...I have faith that there are better days ahead...

A friend shared something with me today and it was such a blessing because it was something that I really needed to hear....

Substitute your own name into Isaiah 41...

But you, oh Jess, my servant
whom I have chosen
you descendant of Abraham my friend,
I took you from the ends of the earth,
from the farthest corners I called you.
I said, "You are my servant";
I have chosen you and not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
"All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
Though you search for your enemies,you will not find them.
Those who rage war against you will be as nothing at all.
For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'do not fear';
I will help you.
Do not be afraid Jess, oh my little one,
For I myself will help you," declares the Lord,
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

Halo

I never promised you a ray of light
I never promised there’d be sunshine everyday
I'll give you everything I have
The good the bad...

Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I’m so up high that I can’t see the ground below
So help me down, you've got it wrong
I don’t belong there

One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn’t say so
You wouldn’t say so if you were me
And I… I just wanna love you
Oh, oh I… I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes
I’m only human and that’s my saving grace
I fall as hard as I try
So don’t be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedestal
I don’t belong there

One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
but standing from here
you wouldn’t say so
you wouldn’t say so if you were me
And I…I just wanna love you
OOhh I…I just wanna love you

Back to blogging...

I realise it's been quite some time since I've posted a blog...but I feel very inspired to write especially because of the way that I feel God is working and moving in my life at this very moment. I had some time today to really dig into God's Word, which to be honest it's been a while. The past 3 weeks or so, I've drawn closer to God through some rough times and I am blown away just to how faithful he has been to me and my prayers. Back to his word...today I had several passages that really just jumped out at me, some that I've read over and over again but never really meant something to me until now. I just want to share a few and I pray that in some way they will speak to you as they did me.

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, becuase we know that suffereing produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope does not disapoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he's given us.

Philippians 1:9-11

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is being sure if what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

James 1:12

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:19-20

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about righteous life that God desires.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.